How will a doula support my partner?
Many dads-to-be worry that a doula will replace them at the birth. A father may worry that his partner doesn’t trust him enough to be a support for her during labor. He may also be concerned that a doula’s presence at the birth will remove the intimacy of the moment.
But a doula can never replace the father’s role, which is to be there to love and support his partner. Plus, he also experiences the birth of the child, in his own way. As far as the doula interfering with the intimacy of the moment, the doula is only one member of the birth team, which includes nurses, a doctor or midwife, and sometimes other specialists. In fact, a doula can often help create that intimate feel by helping shoo the nurses or doctors out of the room for a moment, so the about-to-be-new-parents can be alone for awhile.
A doula is there to help the father, as much as she helps the mother. The fact of the matter is, our society places a great deal of pressure and responsibility on the father-to-be during labor. A childbirth class isn’t enough to prepare a new, nervous dad to support his wife through what may be one of the most difficult and challenging moments in her life. Is it fair to expect the father to remain 100% focused and calm, when his wife is struggling?
A doula can help support the father, so he can concentrate on his wife. Here are some of the many ways dads and doulas work together.
Behind the Scenes Birth Coach
For the father who wants to really be active and provide all the physical and emotional support, the doula can help with hints, reminders, and advice during the birth, so he can just focus on his wife.
Is the mother having back labor?
The father may not recognize this, or even know what to do. But the doula is trained to figure out what’s bothering the mother the most, and all the possible ways to help her feel more comfortable. The doula can tell the dad what she thinks would help his wife best, while he does the actual work and support.
Nurturing the partner too
The doula can also bring drinks and snacks to the father, so he can keep up his energy during the long labor. She can take the time to speak with nurses or seek out extra pillows, allowing the father to stay with his wife without interruption.
Tag-team Birth Support
Most labors last several hours, sometimes lasting 12 hours and longer. A doula’s presence allows the father to take guilt free breaks. He can go get a bite to eat, or take a nap, without feeling that he left his wife alone. Whether he needs to take just a few breaks during labor, or he prefers to switch every hour with the doula to keep his energy up, it will allow the mother to feel supported and cared for continuously.
A Chance to Just Experience the Birth
As mentioned earlier, society places a lot of pressure on fathers to provide the sole support for their partner’s during labor. But many fathers would prefer to just experience the moment with their wives, without the pressure to perform. A doula can provide full support for the mother, allowing the father to take a back-seat from active support, and give him the chance to experience the birth along side her.
A Sense of Togetherness
Before the birth, it’s important that the doula, mother, and father all sit together and talk about how they envision the childbirth. It’s also important that the father participate in choosing and hiring the doula, since they should both feel comfortable with whomever they choose to attend this special moment in their lives.
But a doula can never replace the father’s role, which is to be there to love and support his partner. Plus, he also experiences the birth of the child, in his own way. As far as the doula interfering with the intimacy of the moment, the doula is only one member of the birth team, which includes nurses, a doctor or midwife, and sometimes other specialists. In fact, a doula can often help create that intimate feel by helping shoo the nurses or doctors out of the room for a moment, so the about-to-be-new-parents can be alone for awhile.
A doula is there to help the father, as much as she helps the mother. The fact of the matter is, our society places a great deal of pressure and responsibility on the father-to-be during labor. A childbirth class isn’t enough to prepare a new, nervous dad to support his wife through what may be one of the most difficult and challenging moments in her life. Is it fair to expect the father to remain 100% focused and calm, when his wife is struggling?
A doula can help support the father, so he can concentrate on his wife. Here are some of the many ways dads and doulas work together.
Behind the Scenes Birth Coach
For the father who wants to really be active and provide all the physical and emotional support, the doula can help with hints, reminders, and advice during the birth, so he can just focus on his wife.
Is the mother having back labor?
The father may not recognize this, or even know what to do. But the doula is trained to figure out what’s bothering the mother the most, and all the possible ways to help her feel more comfortable. The doula can tell the dad what she thinks would help his wife best, while he does the actual work and support.
Nurturing the partner too
The doula can also bring drinks and snacks to the father, so he can keep up his energy during the long labor. She can take the time to speak with nurses or seek out extra pillows, allowing the father to stay with his wife without interruption.
Tag-team Birth Support
Most labors last several hours, sometimes lasting 12 hours and longer. A doula’s presence allows the father to take guilt free breaks. He can go get a bite to eat, or take a nap, without feeling that he left his wife alone. Whether he needs to take just a few breaks during labor, or he prefers to switch every hour with the doula to keep his energy up, it will allow the mother to feel supported and cared for continuously.
A Chance to Just Experience the Birth
As mentioned earlier, society places a lot of pressure on fathers to provide the sole support for their partner’s during labor. But many fathers would prefer to just experience the moment with their wives, without the pressure to perform. A doula can provide full support for the mother, allowing the father to take a back-seat from active support, and give him the chance to experience the birth along side her.
A Sense of Togetherness
Before the birth, it’s important that the doula, mother, and father all sit together and talk about how they envision the childbirth. It’s also important that the father participate in choosing and hiring the doula, since they should both feel comfortable with whomever they choose to attend this special moment in their lives.
Dads and Doulas: Support during the postpartum period
The birth of each baby has a long lasting impact on the physical and mental health of the mother, baby and family. The way in which the woman, baby, partner and family transition into a new unit have a long-term impact on their physical and emotional health.
In traditional societies, women and men grow up around birth, breastfeeding, infants and children. After giving birth, women are surrounded by caring family members who have a great deal of experience and wisdom to offer. This kind of help is rarely available to new parents in North America. The doula’s support is intended to fill the gaps left by our postpartum traditions, which usually include only medical procedures, occasional checkups and the purchase of baby- related paraphernalia. The doula’s education, quiet support and guidance are a manifestation of the traditional postpartum support that our culture is missing.
There are many ways in which the doula’s support benefits the father. Research has proven that mothers and babies have an easier transition with support. However, fathers, experiencing great life transitions of their own, may not be able to be the primary provider of this support. Fathers are redefining their roles; they may also be adjusting to sleep deprivation, financial pressure and other stressors, as well. The doula’s support is for the father as much as the mother or children. A sympathetic ear, source of encouragement, gentle educator and friend is something from which we could all benefit throughout our lives. The postpartum doula provides all of these during this defining life experience.
The doula can also help the father to learn the art of “mothering the mother”, increasing chances for success in areas such as breastfeeding and reduction of postpartum depression. Rather than being told to “help out”, partners and other family members benefit from concrete instruction and role-modeling on how to support a woman during the weeks after delivery.
The importance of the father’s involvement and support during the weeks following birth cannot be overstated. During this time he truly becomes a parent, getting to know this tiny yet complete person who has entered his family. The doula can ease this introduction, helping the father to discover all he can about his baby, as well as developing his own concept of himself as a parent. In addition, the doula’s support can help parents to adjust their own relationship, moving forward to enhance their previous life together as a couple who are now parents.
The role of the doula is to help the family experience success. She does this with quiet, reassuring support for all family members. By dedicating herself to the family in this way, the doula validates and enhances the parents’ intuitive ability to nurture and encourages them to become confident to develop and implement their own parenting style.
In traditional societies, women and men grow up around birth, breastfeeding, infants and children. After giving birth, women are surrounded by caring family members who have a great deal of experience and wisdom to offer. This kind of help is rarely available to new parents in North America. The doula’s support is intended to fill the gaps left by our postpartum traditions, which usually include only medical procedures, occasional checkups and the purchase of baby- related paraphernalia. The doula’s education, quiet support and guidance are a manifestation of the traditional postpartum support that our culture is missing.
There are many ways in which the doula’s support benefits the father. Research has proven that mothers and babies have an easier transition with support. However, fathers, experiencing great life transitions of their own, may not be able to be the primary provider of this support. Fathers are redefining their roles; they may also be adjusting to sleep deprivation, financial pressure and other stressors, as well. The doula’s support is for the father as much as the mother or children. A sympathetic ear, source of encouragement, gentle educator and friend is something from which we could all benefit throughout our lives. The postpartum doula provides all of these during this defining life experience.
The doula can also help the father to learn the art of “mothering the mother”, increasing chances for success in areas such as breastfeeding and reduction of postpartum depression. Rather than being told to “help out”, partners and other family members benefit from concrete instruction and role-modeling on how to support a woman during the weeks after delivery.
The importance of the father’s involvement and support during the weeks following birth cannot be overstated. During this time he truly becomes a parent, getting to know this tiny yet complete person who has entered his family. The doula can ease this introduction, helping the father to discover all he can about his baby, as well as developing his own concept of himself as a parent. In addition, the doula’s support can help parents to adjust their own relationship, moving forward to enhance their previous life together as a couple who are now parents.
The role of the doula is to help the family experience success. She does this with quiet, reassuring support for all family members. By dedicating herself to the family in this way, the doula validates and enhances the parents’ intuitive ability to nurture and encourages them to become confident to develop and implement their own parenting style.
Myths about Dads and Doulas
Myth 1 - If a woman has her partner, the doula becomes redundant. Reality - The doula may be the only person at the labor besides the partner who is there solely for the emotional well-being of the woman. The nurse, the doctor, the midwife have other priorities that compete with the emotional care of the woman: for example, breaks, shift changes, clinical responsibilities, office hours and hospital policies. The doula has few or no other priorities. She stays through shift changes, and until after the baby is born She is not just another stranger with the couple She has the woman's needs as her sole priority. In some cases, the couple will bring several other friends or family members into labor with them. Sometimes these people can be uncertain of how to help which leads to confusion and actually adds to the woman's stress. The doula can direct and coordinate the efforts of a group of people, giving them all some-thing useful to do, so they work as a team on the woman's behalf.
Myth 2 - The doula "takes over", displacing the partner and interferes with their intimate experience. Reality - The doula can actually bring the couple closer. By making sure that the partner's needs are met (food, drink, occasional back rubs, and reassurance), the woman and partner can work more closely together. The doula allows for the partner to participate at his own comfort level. Some partners prefer to be there only to witness the birth of their child and to share this experience with the woman they love. They may not want to play an active role and do not want to be responsible for the woman's comfort and emotional security. The doula can fill in and allow the partner to participate as he wishes, without leaving the woman's needs unmet. When the partner chooses to be the major source of emotional support, the doula can supplement his or her efforts by running errands, making suggestions for comfort measures, and offering words of reassurance and comfort. During a long tiring labor, she can give the partner a break for a brief rest or change of scene. While the doula probably knows more than the partner about birth, hospitals, and maternity care, the partner knows more about the woman's personality, likes and dislikes, and needs. Moreover, he loves the woman more than anyone else there. The combined contributions of partner and doula, along with a competent, considerate and caring staff gives the woman the best chance of an optimal outcome.
Myth 3 - The doula has her own beliefs about how the birth should go, and imposes it on the woman or couple. Reality - The doula's true agenda is to help ensure that the woman's or couple's agenda is acknowledged and followed as much as possible. If the doula is thoroughly familiar with the couple's wishes and their birth plan, she may actually think more about it than the couple, especially when labor is intense and things are happening rapidly. The doula can remind the staff or the couple of some items on the birth plan that are forgotten, but which later might be important. Sometimes if a birth plan is not followed, the couple later look back with regret or disappointment. The doula helps with decision-making by asking questions that will ensure that the right information is given to the woman or couple so that they can make an informed decision. She may also suggest alternatives for the couple to consider. She does not, however, make decisions for the couple.
In summary, the doula helps make the birth experience to be as rewarding and satisfying as possible. As one father said, "I heaved a big sigh of relief when she (the doula) walked in. I hadn't realized how much pressure I had been feeling. She not only calmed my wife, she calmed me down."
www.dona.org
Myth 2 - The doula "takes over", displacing the partner and interferes with their intimate experience. Reality - The doula can actually bring the couple closer. By making sure that the partner's needs are met (food, drink, occasional back rubs, and reassurance), the woman and partner can work more closely together. The doula allows for the partner to participate at his own comfort level. Some partners prefer to be there only to witness the birth of their child and to share this experience with the woman they love. They may not want to play an active role and do not want to be responsible for the woman's comfort and emotional security. The doula can fill in and allow the partner to participate as he wishes, without leaving the woman's needs unmet. When the partner chooses to be the major source of emotional support, the doula can supplement his or her efforts by running errands, making suggestions for comfort measures, and offering words of reassurance and comfort. During a long tiring labor, she can give the partner a break for a brief rest or change of scene. While the doula probably knows more than the partner about birth, hospitals, and maternity care, the partner knows more about the woman's personality, likes and dislikes, and needs. Moreover, he loves the woman more than anyone else there. The combined contributions of partner and doula, along with a competent, considerate and caring staff gives the woman the best chance of an optimal outcome.
Myth 3 - The doula has her own beliefs about how the birth should go, and imposes it on the woman or couple. Reality - The doula's true agenda is to help ensure that the woman's or couple's agenda is acknowledged and followed as much as possible. If the doula is thoroughly familiar with the couple's wishes and their birth plan, she may actually think more about it than the couple, especially when labor is intense and things are happening rapidly. The doula can remind the staff or the couple of some items on the birth plan that are forgotten, but which later might be important. Sometimes if a birth plan is not followed, the couple later look back with regret or disappointment. The doula helps with decision-making by asking questions that will ensure that the right information is given to the woman or couple so that they can make an informed decision. She may also suggest alternatives for the couple to consider. She does not, however, make decisions for the couple.
In summary, the doula helps make the birth experience to be as rewarding and satisfying as possible. As one father said, "I heaved a big sigh of relief when she (the doula) walked in. I hadn't realized how much pressure I had been feeling. She not only calmed my wife, she calmed me down."
www.dona.org